Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
