I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
