I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Randomize
