Sponge bath it is.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Be still, my beating vagina.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
