now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize