I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
