So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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