I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
