I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
