i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
