the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
