apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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