I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
