Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
