just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
