I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
