No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
