dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
