I am puke
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
