Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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