Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
