The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
