He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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