So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize