conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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