They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
