I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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