everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize