The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
