I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
