I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
