I want to make a zoo with you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
