This dress was meant to end up on your floor
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Randomize
