Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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