then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
