just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
