I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
