my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
