How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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