imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
