There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
