Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
