Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
