my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
