I think i peed on brittanys purse
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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