When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
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