My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
