They should really pass out barf bags in church
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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