my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The beer is more important than you right now.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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