I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
