I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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