i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
