WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You're like the curious george of whores
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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