sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
