does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
