Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
