Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
