sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
