I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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