Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
then he tried to convert me to islam
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
