The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You may now shotgun with the bride
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
