I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
