Say something about gay babies.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I stole a fireplace last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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