dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize