I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
