What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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