I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
