My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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