Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize