my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize