I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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