And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You have to summon your inner elephant
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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