i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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