remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
