the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
