I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
