Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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