Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
