Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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