okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
