hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize