guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
there is puke in my bra ... again
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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