Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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