I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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