I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
