my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
