All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
