Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize