I smell stomach acid.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
