Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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