you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
there is glitter all over my balls
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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