I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
