Whats the glycemic index on semen?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
