Having a random hookup so left but love u
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
